


Stag Night

by Paian



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: 1000-3000 words, First Time, Humor, M/M, Porn Watching, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-28
Updated: 2007-11-28
Packaged: 2017-10-04 12:14:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paian/pseuds/Paian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill Lee hosts Jay Felger's bachelor party. The porn he downloaded is terrible. The science staffers find other ways to amuse themselves. So do Jack and Daniel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stag Night

It was the stupidest kind of bachelor party -- a bunch of guys sitting around the best man's living room mocking crappy porn that despite its supreme crappiness was giving them hard-ons they couldn't do anything about. Even worse, the groom-to-be was Jay Whatshisname (who'd finally seen the light about his lab partner, _neither_ of whose names Jack could remember), the best man was Bill Lee (who'd apparently downloaded this flick sight unseen and burned it to a disc that was giving the player hiccups, freezing the action at the weirdest possible moments), Bill Lee's living room was full of SGC science-division eggheads (a word that rang in Jack's mind with a fondness and respect he couldn't have conceived of seven years ago but still wouldn't admit to now), and nobody was saying a thing. No heckling, no horsing around, no throwing popcorn ... Jack, sitting as close to the darkest back corner as he could get (Daniel had snagged the corner itself), couldn't tell if they were entranced or in shock.

He leaned over to Daniel and whispered, "I can't be the only guy in this room who's ever seen an X-rated film before."

"You're not," Daniel whispered back. "They're quiet because they're bored out of their gourds."

Daniel knew the civilian personnel better than Jack did -- Jack was the token military guy, and he'd only been invited because of FarberFelcherFolger's weird thing for him, and he'd only said yes because Daniel would be here. Still, Jack murmured doubtfully, "I dunno about that."

"Balinsky's drafting a monograph in his head relating the deterioration of bonding rituals among a specific subgroup of contemporary Western males to paradigm shifts in the conception of taboo. Hamilton's still thinking about that scene on the merry-go-round and calculating vectors and trajectories and the ballistics of semen. Webber's designing a hardware filter that will only play _good_ porn, and taking the DVD player apart in his head to retrofit it."

This was where Jack was supposed to volunteer what he'd been killing time by doing in his head. Jack had been killing time by imagining himself and Daniel in place of the people on the screen. He was saved from having to make something up by Coombs saying, "Hey, pipe down in the back. I'm trying to finish my grocery list here." Then Lee said "I _told_ you guys that if you'd just be a _little_ open-minded about machinima -- " and there was a collective groan and some launching of popcorn in Lee's direction. Jack thought things might be looking up until he realized that the popcorn had come from a civil engineer over by the window who'd been killing time building a trebuchet out of pencils and beer-bottle labels and an Einstein bobblehead doll.

Jack looked back at the movie and tried not to wonder whether he'd be flexible enough to get into that position, or think about how he was pretty sure Daniel would be.

After a while, Daniel leaned toward him and said, voice pitched just low enough not to carry over the phony moans and gasps coming from _everywhere_ (Lee had home-theater surround sound), "I'm killing time by wondering if anyone else wishes this were gay porn."

Jack was silent while the couple on the screen demonstrated some alternative uses for cotton candy. It was probably only a few seconds, but the adrenaline rush distorted his time sense, and it felt like a full minute before he managed to say, "It would probably be really crappy gay porn."

"Given what remarkably crappy het porn this is, yeah," Daniel said.

"And yet," Jack said slowly, his gaze flicking down to Daniel's groin, "you're hard."

"Half hard," Daniel said, his eyes still on the screen. "Reflex response to the visual stimuli." Almost too low to hear, he added, "And the proximity."

Jack's stomach did a slow barrel roll. He leaned a little closer, and Daniel didn't lean away. He rested his forearm on the arm of Daniel's chair, and Daniel casually shifted his arm so that Jack's elbow pressed his biceps. Heart thundering, Jack peered down for a better look. "That's _half_?"

Daniel turned his head in the flickering darkness and made eye contact so close and electric that the jolt curled Jack's toes. "Follow me in three minutes," he murmured, his breath touching Jack's face, "and find out for yourself."

Jack clocked the three minutes in his head -- exactly the amount of time it would take for the guys to forget that they'd heard Daniel go off to the john -- and sixty seconds after that he was in the junk-stuffed spare room saying "There's no _way_, I would have _known_" and Daniel was turning the lock and saying "You so, _so_ knew" and Jack's back was sinking into layers of what he hoped were coats hung on the door and he was saying "This is the worst _conceivable_ place" and Daniel was saying "You'll get used to the smell just don't turn the lights on you do _not_ want to know" and unbuckling Jack's belt.

Years of suppressed lust bursting its dam when he was least prepared made Jack clumsy and desperate, shoving one hand up into Daniel's hair and the other down the front of Daniel's pants while Daniel was still fumbling to unbutton his fly and trying to kiss him in the dark and missing. Their mouths came together at the moment that his fingertips found the tender, swollen head of Daniel's cock, and he registered with slow stupidity that his fingers were _freezing_ as Daniel gasped around his tongue -- but Daniel's hips thrust _toward_ him, hard, instead of jerking away -- Daniel liked cold hands -- Daniel liked cold hands a _lot_ \--

Jack dug deeper and got the shaft seated in the curve of his fingers. Daniel gave up on Jack's jeans and dug his hands between Jack and the coats to squeeze Jack's ass, and then he was circling his hips, finding Jack's dick by feel and rubbing his along the length of it through both layers of denim. Daniel dressed right, Jack dressed left; a slight shift of Jack's hand lined them up, and the rubbing got exquisitely, painfully good. Jack was coming already, helpless to hold it back, Daniel's hot, erotic tongue filling his mouth and Daniel's smooth, bare cock filling his hand and Daniel's hips grinding into his and Daniel's fingers sliding between his legs to press his balls from behind, and he'd have let out a hell of a lot more than a whine if there'd been anywhere besides his nose for it to come out, so it was good that there wasn't. Daniel went still when Jack gripped him in orgasm, his mouth going soft and tender, then made a low sound way back in his throat and bathed Jack's hand in sweet, slippery semen.

Daniel abandoned Jack's mouth to rest his face against Jack's, cheekbone to cheekbone. "Oh, god," he whispered, shuddering as Jack ran his thumb gently through the slickness of come. "We really should have thought about tissues."

"Too late," Jack said. "At least Lee'll think _somebody_ enjoyed that crap he downloaded."


End file.
